Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

If you are a frequent reader of this blog, you know that USTA is very important.  Or, maybe you don’t.  Maybe I just think I’ve written that line in every blog post, when in reality, I’ve only thought it every time I write an entry.  I think a lot of things.  Luckily, I don’t always write them down.

…that’s frightening, actually, if you think about it…

Anyway, USTA is very important.  It is the be-all, end-all of weekend warrior tennis leagues.  It is the only governing body that matters.  If you don’t play USTA, you are not a serious weekend tennis player.

Why we decided to go with the league that plays in the blistering hot summer as if we aren’t all out-of-shape, aging pedestrians, I don’t have the foggiest idea.  But that’s a blog post for another day.

ANYWAY.  Because USTA is very important, USTA ratings are the supremely important currency on which the weekend warrior tennis community runs.  They are the measuring sticks by which we limit our abilities.  No, wait, sorry.  That was a slip-up on the ole typewriter.  How embarrassing!  Let me try again.

USTA ratings define who we are as tennis players.  They dictate whether we will win or lose.  They are how we know what our self-worth is.  They are how we know who to fraternize with.  USTA ratings are everything.

Asking a person’s rating is tennis’s equivalent of asking the Inevitable Cocktail-Party Question, “What do you do?”  What are you rated is tennis society’s innocent way of asking are you important?  How much money do you make?  Are you someone I want to play with?  Are you worth my time?

Of course, we would put so much stock into this measuring stick.  We all know that USTA has a very scientific, very clear, and methodical way of rating players.  Its process is transparent and accurate and reflects true sense of skill level.  I will beat you because I am rated higher than you.  I can’t associate with you because you are rated lower than me.  I can’t play with you because the number next to your name is not the same as mine.

Say you’re playing a doubles match just for fun and you are rated lower than the others.  There is not a more effective way to sabotage you than to let you know where you stand in the Hierarchy of the Weekend Warrior Tennis World (have everyone say what their rating is).  You are not as good as the others; you do not belong; you will not win.  It’s cute that you’re trying though.

Someday, you will have accumulated enough Chuck-E-Cheese tokens to be promoted to the next rating level.  Someday, you will have succeeded in life.  Then you will have arrived and all your troubles will go away and you will be able to hit the shots you couldn’t before.  That’s the way life works.

Happy Playing!